The wonder of Wholefoods is almost like a religious calling in this town - everything is polished and primped to within an inch of its organic life (think M&S on acid). Did you even know you could buy egg whites in a carton - can't even be bothered to crack an egg? don't have the home economics skills to separate it once cracked? Fear not, you are in the USA - its all done for you.
The patrons of this wonderful store however, are something to be viewed on with trepidation. On a recent trip having waited for a full 15 minutes in the queue (sorry - 'in line') at the fish counter, I was blind sided by a local teeny tiny wife who started ordering before me, "Hang on" I chirped, "I thought I was here first" - Brit speak for "Oy love, don't push in".
"Excuse me?" she responds - local speak for "I don't really give a dam".
Suitably derided I start my order - sadly for the teeny tiny lady its longer than she can stand and I receive a number of sideways cutting glances. Towards the close of my deal she starts to boil over.
"I only wanted one thing" she simpers with the biggest smile on her face I have seen, flashing those de rigueur pearly whites at me - as if we were in fact having a polite conversation.
"Shame" I respond, my own teeth clenched in my attempt at a local smile, "but we've been waiting 15 minutes"
"I have kids waiting in the car" she tries (Sorry is that not illegal here - call 911)
"Oh dear"' I counter, "but my 3 kids are getting rather angsty with all the waiting"
"I've been working all day" is her final repost, as if that should give her a green light to queue hop wherever she pleases.
I smother my snorts of laughter, grab my shrimp and spirit my entourage to the next aisle where we collapse in a fit of giggles as my eldest is mortified by the 'rude smiley lady' he has just encountered.
The key to what makes this kind of situation more amusing is that our American friends can smile their way through any argument, whereas us Brits would be happier letting loose with a frown or two and some foul language. Perhaps its a skill to learn whilst here. Note to self - this week shall work on my "excuse me, I'm queue jumping & I'm going to make you feel guilty about it" smile....
p.s. if you really are missing Brit food try the following links :
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